Philippines Named ‘Most Stupid Country to Elect a 20-Year OJT as a Senator’ by Time Magazine

Flag of PhilippinesMANILA, Philippines — The Philippines has been named as Time’s “Most STUPID Country to Elect a 20-Year OJT as a Senator”.

“The overwhelming victory of a self-professed on-the-job trainee-cum-Senator in the recently held election in the Philippines cemented the country’s fate,” wrote Time’s news director Marilou C. Martin.

She added, “Falling for the diversionary tactics of an inexperienced candidate that saw her steer the issue away from her credibility to her skin complexion to make herself look like the underdog; gave us no choice but to bestow such title to a country, who was destined for greatness before the elections.”

“And yes, we intentionally all-capped the word stupid for added emphasis,” according to Martin.

Time gave special attention to the country’s 11,789,643 registered voters (as of press time) who voted for Nancy Binay, as contributing to the country’s “overall stupidity rating index”.

“These are probably the same 11,289,648 people who had no access to the internet to witness the criticism their bet received for her lack political background or experience.”

The magazine didn’t wait for Comelec’s final and official number of votes Binay received before coming out with the latest issue saying that, “The amount of gullibility and the unprecedented level of idiocy forced us to go to press immediately.”

The article also noted that the country’s saving grace, namely its recent credit rating upgrade, Manny Pacquiao, Jessica Sanchez or Jada Pinkett-Smith asking for a copy of Jericho Rosales’ film did not help one bit.

“Those are only minor achievements as compared to the repercussions the sheer amount of stupidity the recent actions of the Filipino people entails.”

“It’s these kind of situations that not even Lou Diamond Philips winning the Oscars  or the Philippines winning the next Miss Universe can help with your country’s image,” said Martin.

All is not lost however, according to political analyst Mak Jendoza.

Ladies and gentlemen, your future Mayor, Vice Mayor, President, First Lady, Pope and Vice President.

Andyan na yan eh, ano pa magagawa natin (She’s already there, what else can we do)?” said Jendoza. “Siguraduhin nalang natin na hindi na mauulit ito pagdating ng 2016 (We just have to make sure that we shall not repeat this same mistake come 2016).”

Abe eh kung maging presidente ang tatay nyan at madagdagan pa ng isang kapatid sa Senado sa 2016, baka pati ang United Nations hirangin na din tayong mga inutil (If ever her dad became president and another one of her sibling became a senator in 2016, even the United Nations shall name us stupid),” warned Jendoza.

“I can’t say that I’m proud of this recent ‘achievement’ of our country,” said Johnny Manuel Ebola after learning about the magazine cover. “But at least I’m proud to say that I’m not one of those 11,789,643 nincompoops!”

Hardworking Dad

Happy Father's Day
Some things are more important

SON: “Daddy, may I ask you a question?”
DAD: “Yeah sure, what is it?”
SON: “Daddy, how much do you make an hour?”
DAD: “That’s none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?”
SON: “I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?”
DAD: “If you must know, I make $100 an hour.”
SON: “Oh! (With his head down).
SON: “Daddy, may I please borrow $50?”

The father was furious.

DAD: “If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior.”

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy’s questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money? After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $50 and he really didn’t ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door.

DAD: “Are you asleep, son?”
SON: “No daddy, I’m awake”.
DAD: “I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier. It’s been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here’s the $50 you asked for.”

The little boy sat straight up, smiling.

SON: “Oh, thank you daddy!”

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

DAD: “Why do you want more money if you already have some?”
SON: “Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do.

“Daddy, I have $100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.”

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness. It’s just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $100 worth of your time with someone you love? If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family and friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.

A Cow-Based Economics Lesson

Photos of A Cow-Based Economics Lesson
https://plus.google.com/114592528655396804081

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

Facebook Like and Share (Repost)

The Dark side of Social Media Marketing

It gets especially creepy when the post is less benign and strikes an emotional chord: “‘Like‘ if you hate cancer.” “‘Like’ if you hate bullying.” “If I get enough ‘likes,’ my dad will quit drugs.”

I can slam the door in almost anyone’s face, but there are enough softies out there that posts like these will draw a response – a big response. The people who respond probably put some effort into minimizing the junk mail at their door. They get on the do-not-call registry. They uncheck the website boxes for promotional spam from companies. But if they click “like” on a Facebook post because they’re against famine or they think that kitten video is cute, they may have just volunteered for something they didn’t expect. And if that person is a “friend” of yours, they could rope you in too.

Daylan Pearce, a self-described “search nerd” with Australia’s Next Digital, recently exposed how this works. It’s called “like farming.” A Facebook page is created, with an appeal for readers to like, comment or share. The creators, who are working together to build these pages, share it among themselves. They all have big networks, so the pages instantly get into thousands of other people’s news feeds. When those people respond with a “like” or a share, then it reaches their friends. Suddenly, the thing has spread faster than a high school rumour.

Then what? Then the people who started it, having quickly acquired tens of thousands of followers, sell the page. Now an advertiser has all those names and Facebook addresses. And that advertiser, who isn’t allowed to phone you and whose flyers go straight to your recycling box, is sending you commercial messages on Facebook.

Annoying, but harmless, you might think. Unless you’re Terri Johnson. She’s a mother of five in the U.S., who was surprised to find a picture of her daughter Katie on a viral Facebook post. Someone had taken a picture of Katie from Terri’s Facebook account and renamed her in a post that read, “This is my sister Mallory. She has Down syndrome and doesn’t think she’s beautiful. Please like this photo so I can show her later that she truly is beautiful.”

By the time Terri was alerted to this, 3.5 million sympathetic, well-meaning people’s emotional buttons had been pushed, all so they would push the “like” button. Imagine your privacy being violated and your family innocently embroiled in a cold-hearted lie to make a buck. You might feel even more sick and angry than the Johnsons.

Facebook long ago redefined the word “friend,” removing much of its meaning. Now its exploitation by “like farmers” erodes a bit more of our humanity.

People are starting to wise up to these scams – they will be wary of the obvious ones and become leery of posts that tug at their heartstrings. But the bad guys find the angles faster than the rest of us figure out how to protect ourselves. They’re already becoming more subtle and sophisticated, and any popular cause or pop culture phenomenon is at risk of being exploited. And each new scam creates more cynicism as the rest of us slowly clue in.

Read more: http://www.calgaryherald.com/technology/Budge+Facing+Facebook+scams/8176929/story.html#ixzz2PvvN8YpY

My vi/vim cheatsheet

Cursor movement

  • h – move left
  • j – move down
  • k – move up
  • l – move right
  • w – jump by start of words (punctuation considered words)
  • W – jump by words (spaces separate words)
  • e – jump to end of words (punctuation considered words)
  • E – jump to end of words (no punctuation)
  • b – jump backward by words (punctuation considered words)
  • B – jump backward by words (no punctuation)
  • 0 – (zero) start of line
  • ^ – first non-blank character of line
  • $ – end of line
  • G – Go To command (prefix with number – 5G goes to line 5)

Note: Prefix a cursor movement command with a number to repeat it. For example, 4j moves down 4 lines.

Insert Mode – Inserting/Appending text

  • i – start insert mode at cursor
  • I – insert at the beginning of the line
  • a – append after the cursor
  • A – append at the end of the line
  • o – open (append) blank line below current line (no need to press return)
  • O – open blank line above current line
  • ea – append at end of word
  • Esc – exit insert mode

Editing

  • r – replace a single character (does not use insert mode)
  • J – join line below to the current one
  • cc – change (replace) an entire line
  • cw – change (replace) to the end of word
  • c$ – change (replace) to the end of line
  • s – delete character at cursor and subsitute text
  • S – delete line at cursor and substitute text (same as cc)
  • xp – transpose two letters (delete and paste, technically)
  • u – undo
  • . – repeat last command

Marking text (visual mode)

  • v – start visual mode, mark lines, then do command (such as y-yank)
  • V – start Linewise visual mode
  • o – move to other end of marked area
  • Ctrl+v – start visual block mode
  • O – move to Other corner of block
  • aw – mark a word
  • ab – a () block (with braces)
  • aB – a {} block (with brackets)
  • ib – inner () block
  • iB – inner {} block
  • Esc – exit visual mode

Visual commands

  • > – shift right
  • < – shift left
  • y – yank (copy) marked text
  • d – delete marked text
  • ~ – switch case

Cut and Paste

  • yy – yank (copy) a line
  • 2yy – yank 2 lines
  • yw – yank word
  • y$ – yank to end of line
  • p – put (paste) the clipboard after cursor
  • P – put (paste) before cursor
  • dd – delete (cut) a line
  • dw – delete (cut) the current word
  • x – delete (cut) current character

Exiting

  • :w – write (save) the file, but don’t exit
  • :wq – write (save) and quit
  • :q – quit (fails if anything has changed)
  • :q! – quit and throw away changes

Search/Replace

  • /pattern – search for pattern
  • ?pattern – search backward for pattern
  • n – repeat search in same direction
  • N – repeat search in opposite direction
  • :%s/old/new/g – replace all old with new throughout file
  • :%s/old/new/gc – replace all old with new throughout file with confirmations

Working with multiple files

  • :e filename – Edit a file in a new buffer
  • :bnext (or :bn) – go to next buffer
  • :bprev (of :bp) – go to previous buffer
  • :bd – delete a buffer (close a file)
  • :sp filename – Open a file in a new buffer and split window
  • ctrl+ws – Split windows
  • ctrl+ww – switch between windows
  • ctrl+wq – Quit a window
  • ctrl+wv – Split windows vertically

Another good vim commands cheatsheet and a vi introduction using the “cheat sheet” method